i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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