Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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