sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
