he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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