I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
