I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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