if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize