where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
