Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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