you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
