never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize