hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
