Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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