what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
