....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fill condoms, not promises.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
