He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
