We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
