I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
