think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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