She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
