I accidentally had phone sex last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
