My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
