Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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