I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
