I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize