im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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