Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
