So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize