it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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