And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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