Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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