You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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