So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
