How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
