Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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