I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
