He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
