He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't turn off my feet"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
