fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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