...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
