love makes seman taste better
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
