Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
