census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
