I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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