I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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