the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
