Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
