grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
