He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize