im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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