EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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