Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
