is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is my gift to your gina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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