Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize