Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
