i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
