Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't turn off my feet"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
