Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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