I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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