I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
