Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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