Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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