Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
