I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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