You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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