Swine flu. Run for my life!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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