I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the condom got lost in my hair
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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