you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
