Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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