i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
