WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
