i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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